Beaten Past
by Liv it up 124
Summary: Not many days does Kate Beckett wake up to her own screams- but when she does there is a reason. Haunted by a figure from her past, will she find a way to survive or will she sink further into the hole she dug all those years ago? Sometimes your past is the hardest thing to let go of...
1. Chapter 1

When Kate Beckett woke up, it was to the sound of screaming.

It took her a second to realise it was her own screams she could hear.

She closed her mouth but she could still feel the fear coursing through her body and it seemed like it would never stop. She looked down to her hands, trembling and shaking on top of her sweat covered bed sheets and desperately tried to get them to stop. It was the only composure she could command over herself, to bring her mind back in to reality, where his face didn't haunt her vision.

So, like every other morning for the past four days, she got up and kept going. She had to.

* * *

The precinct smelt like usual, a musty but familiar scent. The people rushed by, no more than a blur to Beckett. She was only focused on getting to her desk and keeping her head high enough to pass as normal. She felt herself becoming distant and the walk to her desk seemed longer than usual.

From Esposito's view on top of his desk, he could sense something different. The way she sat down and walked in from the elevator into the precinct didn't settle right. Beckett was like his little sister and he wanted to know if there was anything wrong.

"Bro, you reckon something's up with Beckett?"

Ryan swiveled in his chair and glanced over at her, where she was setting up her computer. He frowned and looked back at Espo.

"She looks weird maybe it's because Castles not here yet?"

"No it's more than that… It's like something wrong."

"Well we'll figure it out sometime soon."

Esposito still wasn't convinced and looked back down at the pile of paper work on his desk. It had been a slow week, no cases to speak of. They had one earlier on but it was easy to solve for them. A sad kind of easy really, it was an all too reoccurring story that happened all the time. A simple husband got jealous of his ex-wife's new husband, and it didn't end well for the new guy.

Beckett hadn't gotten really wound up at all but it was the next day she came in that she looked a little hammered. She had put on a good show but there was something off. Something that didn't quite sit right and he hadn't noticed it until she snapped at Castle.

She had stormed off but she seemed to have sorted it with him after a dinner out. Esposito decided that he would save it for later and started on his work.

* * *

"Shut up." Beckett glared at Castle.

"My charm too much for you, Detective?" Castle grinned when a hint of smile showed on his partners face.

It had been a long day of absolutely nothing and when Castle showed up it seemed to make a day of paperwork flash by. Not that she would ever tell him that.

Beckett tucked a piece of her behind her ear and turned her face back towards her desk.

"Don't you have something you would rather be doing? Or feel free to help with the paperwork!"

Castle looked at Beckett, "But Detective, watching you is all part of my brilliant plan."

"I've yet to see that brilliance." Beckett muttered under her breath.

Castle was about to answer back when the familiar ring of Beckett's phone started. She fished around under piles of paper until she found it. It was flashing, the words '_Private' _coming up on the screen.

"Tell me it's a murder please, Beckett!" Castle looked really desperate. As much as he enjoyed just watching his muse, she was starting to get a little snappy at him and he hoped this would change her attitude.

In fact, Castle was getting really concerned, He had picked up that something was not quite right a while ago, and Beckett's act wasn't fooling him. He wanted to know what was going on but he knew that if he tried to push it wouldn't end well. She would just bring up the walls he was trying to bring down.

Beckett went to answer it, rolling her eyes at Castle. "Really Castle, now you're hoping fo-"

"_Miss me baby? You didn't answer my last call. I was beginning to wonder if you did that on purpose. I almost got mad. You know what happens when I get mad, don't you Katie?_"

Beckett turned grey and pale. Her eyes got bigger and her hands shook the tiniest bit. She seemed dazed and scared.

"Yes." She whispered.

* * *

**Hi guys, this is my first story so if you could comment what you think? I would love to hear your opinion :)**

**-Liv**


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as Castle saw her face go that awful shade of grey, he froze for a second. He couldn't comprehend the situation right before his eyes.

The extraordinary Kate Beckett brought down and cut to pieces by one person on a phone? It didn't seem real- it couldn't seem real.

Then he snapped out of it- someone was making her feel like that. Somebody was tearing _his _Kate into little strips. Nobody would ever make her feel like that while he was around. So as soon as she muttered that 'Yes' he grabbed her hand and held tight.

"Beckett? Beckett? Come on Kate, what's wrong?"

He pleaded with her, trying to get her to come back to the Beckett who could fight anything, but if anything she looked more and more frightened.

Frightened wasn't even a proper word to describe her now… She looked terrified.

"Kate? Please!"

* * *

"_Good girl Katie, I know you didn't mean to. But babe, if you ever do that again-" _

The voice on the other line snarled into the phone and all Beckett could do was watch Castle in horror as her defences came crumbling down.

She could only freeze, it was if she was in some nightmare and she couldn't move. Except this was real- so, so real.

Than Castles voice broke through her haze.

"Beckett? Beckett? Come on Kate, what's wrong?"

"_Who the hell was that? Do you want to tell me? Is that the man you replaced me with?"_

She wanted to say something, to get him to stop and just listen to her. She knew that as soon as she did, it would make it all worse, she couldn't let it happen the same way as last time.

"_You know what happened to the last man and it will happen to him. You want to play, Katie? So, who the hell is he?"_

She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe. She was so scared, so frightened of what was to come. She knew that this would happen once he got out, once he was free.

She put him there, and now he was out.

"Kate? Please!" Castle was in the middle of this now.

"_All right babe, it's on. I'm coming for you and now, I'm going to get your little boyfriend too. You should have learnt by now that you are mine."_

* * *

As soon as the beep signalled the end of the call, it was as if time was frozen still. They looked at each other, staring and waiting.

So much could be said in a glance, and even more in those seconds that their eyes locked together. Her beautiful hazel ones were caught up in his dark sapphire blues, different truths and lies wrapped up in each.

It was more than just a connection; it was as if they could see into each other's souls, one mind to another. It went so far past the playful banter they shared every day.

He could see the fear in her eyes and how close she was to breaking completely, to just collapsing. She had enough composure though, that she could hold on forever, no matter how awful that was for her.

He only could feel the torture going through his body as he watched her struggle. How much he wanted to just grab her and hold her and demand that she tell him who was hurting her. To protect her from whatever demons were out there. Yet he knew that would never happen with her walls so far up.

She could feel the questions in his eyes but overall she could sense the worry and fear he felt for her. Who was she to deserve this kind of heartfelt care from another person she had just sentenced?

Another life, another day and another chance that the man who destroyed her life could get to her once again. The way she felt for Castle was too strong and now, she had dumped him in this mess of a life she used to live.

All the tension and the secrecy she had inside since he stepped into her life those many years ago was building up. If only she could wind back time and fix the whole entire thing. She could feel the rising pain about to burst out of her.

"He's back. What have I done?" Beckett uttered softly, almost afraid of her own words.

Then it all was too much and she ran out of that room as if the devil himself was chasing her, because in her eyes, he really was.

There was only her team left on the floor, albeit a few others in the break room but only her team had noticed her sudden change. All anybody could do now was watch as the tough-as-nails detective fled their sight.

Castle knew that if she didn't have somebody there when she was broken like this, the next time she would just bottle it up and nobody would ever know what happened. So, Castle did the only thing he ever could when he was around her- he got up and followed.

* * *

As Beckett ran down the stairs, she could only think of her life when he came into it. It was if somebody was tearing a knife through her soul, and they wouldn't stop.

_-July, 3 years before she met Castle-_

_It was a warm summer morning and a perfect day outside, the sun was shining and Beckett had decided to go for a walk through Central Park. The day stretched on in front of her and she knew she could truly just relax and calm down._

_It had been a hard week of murders, 6 lives gone in 4 days. They had just caught the guy after many hours of determination. The sick bastard had killed single mothers with children, first the child so the mother could watch and then the mother. Montgomery gave them a day off just to get their minds back together. _

_Shaking her head of the memories she'd just dredged up, she walked back to her wardrobe. Putting on her jogging clothes, she smiled at the prospect of a good run, to clear her mind and just let go. _

_She walked out of her apartment and began to merge into the busy streets of NYC._

_It seemed that everybody had the same idea and by the time she reached the Park, it was already 10:00._

_ 'Lucky it was my day off,' Beckett thought._

_Soaking up the sunlight, Beckett went to a park chair and sat down; smiling at all the sights she could see. The little kids and parents walking past, so happy, laughter echoing throughout. Suddenly she felt her sun being blocked and she turned around. _

_Standing up next to her was the most handsome guy she had seen in a while, like he was straight out of a magazine. That was saying something, as Beckett had seen some pretty attractive guys out on the town. Most of them had been plain old sleazes though, but this guy looked different. He seemed kinder. More.. interesting._

_Shaggy brown hair fell into his gorgeous brown eyes. He was almost a head taller than her, and her eyes fell on his perfect pink lips which opened in a beautiful smile that shone down on her. He had a mysterious vibe around him, and it made her want to know him better, almost a bit of a bad boy who turned good attitude._

"_Nice day, isn't it?" He smiled._

_"It sure is" Well it had sure got better now that some handsome stranger was talking to her. _

_Yet as she mused, her eyes gazing out towards the park, she missed the malicious smirk he threw down at her. For this wasn't just any random encounter, he picked it exactly. _

_He knew where she would be and what she wanted and in his mind it was only him. He had prepared his front, his looks, just to reel her in. He knew that she would bite._

_Now he had her, he wasn't letting go. No matter what she said or did he would never let her go._

As she rushed out of the stairwell, she could only think how far she had to go before he did let go, even if it was only for a few years. He sure as hell didn't have a grip on reality now, and it was only getting worse because he had a fresh opponent to take care of.

She might have pretended for the past years, but now he was back. He was never letting go of her.

And the reality of that hit her, and she crumpled to the floor, broken and silent sobs wrenching from her heart, out of sight of anyone who wasn't really looking.

* * *

**Chapter 2 done :) The first two parts of the chapter were in the same time, just different views on that and the last bit was a flash back... ****Hope you liked it! I really appreciate your feed back!**

**-Liv**


	3. Chapter 3

When he was rushing down that stairwell, there wasn't another thought in his mind than finding her. Just to see her, hear her, to know that she was there and her to know that he was there too.

It was so important that he should be there, so he could show her just how much he was willing to take on, to go through. To give her some hope that their partnership could handle these changes and make them work.

He needed to give himself hope, too.

He was practically jumping down stairs, rushing and tumbling, the occasional person in his path was a disassembled blur, a muttered apology. For truly, he didn't care about what came in his path only that the path would eventually lead him to her.

Just as he was about to burst out into another hallway, he saw her. She was curled up in a corner, practically hidden away, her own version of safe guarding. It took him a millisecond to recognise and start moving towards her.

His heart broke for her. To be demolished like this by whoever had done that to her was a fate that he didn't wish upon anyone. What really rang true was the fact that even her, the toughest woman he knew could be brought down by this figure.

Yet he knew that her tough exterior was just a front to cover the hurt she was deep with in, a perpetual mourning and loss. He wanted to be her rock; and at this moment it seemed the only thing he could do.

So when she lifted her head, in the second that their eyes met, he could see how destroyed she was. He didn't waste another moment before rushing to her side.

For the one thing that counted the most to him was that it didn't matter what happened right there in that very moment he was with her, he couldn't fix the situation perfectly. So, he knelt next to her and pulled her into his arms, holding her tight.

There was a moment when she froze up and stiffened, but as soon as she realized what she had to lose, she melted into him. She trusted him.

He rested his head on hers and shut his eyes, pulling her tightly into his arms. He didn't whisper words of promise to her or hum to her gently; he didn't tell her that it would all be fine. Instead he said nothing, soothing and protecting her the only true way he knew how;

By merely being there.

* * *

It took a while before she let go of him, where she was at the point where her gut wrenching cries had slowed down to sharp intakes of breaths. She still remained touching him, for he was her lifeline, her only guidance that it would be all right.

When she met his eyes, she couldn't bear to see what was held in there. In his dark sapphires were pain and sorrow, concern and worry. For her. How could he feel this when she had practically given him a life sentence?

So she looked away quickly and ran her fingers through her hair, trying not to portray the overwhelming rush of emotion she felt for him.

"So I guess you want to know why I ran out of there? Must be killing you to not know why I wasn't Detective Beckett for a minute there, huh?" She finished with a brief sniff and a weak smile.

Except it had been more than a minute.

Her pass at humour didn't fool him, and he sat there, a blank canvas., He didn't move and when she risked a quick look up towards him she saw his face wasn't judging or smiling. He knew that in her own time, she would let it out and be real with him.

He would wait all night if he had to.

She had to search deep inside her to find the will to tell her story, to finally show to him all of what had shaped her into the hard-ass detective she was today.

To show him how and why one phone call from a man that she hadn't heard from in 5 years had pushed her to breaking point.

To show him why this phone call in particular had broken her into tiny little pieces, scattered on the ground. She wished he could understand.

Didn't he just know that it was different for her because this time, he was involved?

She needed to do this, to let her true past come into play. He might have thought he knew who she was, but the way that the story fell was that really, he had no idea what he was dealing with.

The fire that came from her past.

And if you're not careful; when you fight fire with fire, you're going to get burned.

And god, she's already been so scarred.

* * *

She took the deepest breath she could manage in her current state and held it deep within, pawing at her eyes, desperately trying to erase the signs of weakness held there.

She sat up straighter and held her head higher. She strengthened her eyes and melded her features into a look she had perfected over the years. So detached, so cold. She transformed into a shell became someone she hated. She became Detective Kate Beckett.

No trace of emotion. No time for flaws. No time to cry.

No 'Kate'. No 'Beckett'.

For it was the only way she knew how to manage her life now.

He destroyed it.

Would he be coming for more? The answer to that scared her so much more than she wanted to deal with.

She sucked in a final breath of air, for now it was time to share her story with the person who was her rock, her stable place.

Just looking at him made her resolve melt just a bit, Kate coming through the cracks of her wall of anger and loss, sadness and fury. It was melded together and it had become so strong before Castle came into her life and brought back true emotion. Now he just sat there, so trusting and so honest.

So she began.

* * *

"September, 3 years before you and I met I saw him. He was so sweet, so handsome. We talked for a bit, it was all so natural-"She let out a bitter laugh. Natural. How could she have fallen for it? She continued on, so clinical.

"He took me for coffee, a stroll through the park. He made me laugh. It was a real one, not a fake one…. I hadn't done that in a while."

She frowned, realising that the last sentence was true up until she met Castle.

"He was so gorgeous…. So amazing. He had a smile that could light up a room. We were ridiculously happy. 6 months later I thought I had met the one, and he asked me to move in with him. God, how I wanted to."

…

_-April, 2 ½ years before she met Castle_

_They were sitting on her couch, hand in hand, matching smiles of adoration on their faces. They had just comeback from the St. Patrick's Day Parade. It has been his idea, but suddenly she had gone along with it, becoming Irish and calling in sick for the day. _

_They had spent thew day roaming the city, laughing at the ridiculous sites that passed them by. They had taken photo's of the day and had settled eventually in the cute café he had taken her to when they first met._

_He made her feel so special, so loved. They had their little moments, glance and smiles before he had whisked her way into the crazy streets to share a kiss and to soak up the last rays of the slowly disappearing sun. _

_She was so happy, so full of life. She was truly beginning to live again after the event of that day where her life changed, made it darker. When she woke up to the real world. . He was making her live again, her lifeline, her turn to be the one who didn't have to support the other. She snuggled into his side and sighed, content._

"_Baby?" He whispered, running his hand gently along her jaw line._

_She looked into his dark chocolate eyes that showed so far into him; yet today they looked a little darker, almost black if he hit the light right. She wanted to know why they were like that, what could possibly be playing around in his head._

"_Mmhmm?" _

"_You know I love you and I'm ready for something… Something more. Ever since Ii met you, I knew that we were just so right. We were simply amazing, meant to be. I know you feel it too. So I guess I'm saying- will you move in with me?"_

_She sat up, an expression on her face filled with joy and disbelief. She had wanted to make the next step for a while now. She had flung her self into this relationship and she was more trusting and caring and just plain free than she had ever been before._

"_Really?" She exclaimed, her mouth stretching into a smile._

_He laughed, "Yes, really!"_

_She threw her arms around him._

"_Then yes-"She smiled into his neck, "-and Justin?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I love you too."_

…

She closed her eyes and shook her head, disbelief crossed her face and she faced up to the truth she hadn't wanted to. She should have just figured it out when he told her his last name.

"His name was Justin Lagarto- and I was in love."

* * *

**Hey everyone :) Chapter 3 is out... Can anyone figure what Kate meant by his last name? Tell me what you think!**

**-Liv**


	4. Chapter 4

She was in love?

She looked so….

Torn.

He hated this guy even more.

He didn't even think that was possible.

* * *

She admitted to him something she had denied even letting her self properly realize. The wntire of that statement, the power of those words. She loved Justin. How could she have anything with what he did to her?

Doing to her.

Her head pounded but she went on.

"It was perfect. He didn't care that I came home at weird hours; he would be there with a smile and a hug. He accepted my choice of life and didn't question what I did or who I was. He was stable. Then it….. started."

She should have realised, should have picked it out. So stupid, so messy, so thoughtless. She let him take control of everything. She thought she would have been better but she was a broken doll in his arms, and he had turned into the puppet master.

"Esposito told me that Legarto meant lizard in Spanish. How could I have missed that? A clue. I'm a detective; I live off those things. He was too perfect- another stuff up."

She rolled her eyes then quickly looked down to her hands, her brow furrowing in the way that was uniquely hers.

"He disappeared sometimes, then he would come back knowing things that I just dismissed. Stuff about work or things about my life before him. I hadn't even told him any of it, but I let it go. I gave him too many chances that I just took as me being stupid or forgetting conversations I had presumed we had. I was a detective and I should have damn well-known better."

She was hissing the words out at the end, almost as if to speak the words was scorching her tongue.

"It was as if he was the perfect man, he used to be there, you know? He was my one, I truly thought he one person that you think you can rely on, trust, give your heart to. Trust. I trusted him that night."

_July 30__th__ – 3 Years before Castle_

_Da dum da dum da __dum dum __dum…. __Her fingers tapped a relentless beat out on the steering wheel of her new Crown Vic. She was proud of the car, a statement __of how far she had come in her work. She was holding back a smile and Esposito was giving her a look of disapproval._

"_Seriously Becks- what's up?"_

_She rolled her eyes and kept drumming on the wheel. The traffic in front of them stretched on for miles and it looked like their trip back to the city would take a while. They had just gotten a break on a case and had caught up the killer in his web of lies, finally bringing peace to the family. Yet, that wasn't the thing that was making her happy._

"_One- don't call me Becks. Two- you know already." _

_Her lips were pressed back and she was having a really hard time holding back her smirk. Justin was waiting for her back at home and they were going to go out for an amazing dinner. It had taken them ages to get in but tonight, it was going to be perfect. She was going to talk to him, relax and enjoy the bliss that they had. Nothing would bring her down. They were magic together, and tonight would be another perfect night._

_That is if the traffic hurried up and they got back in time…. It was 2:00 now and they were 4 hours out of the city but at this rate- it wasn't looking so good. The honks and beeps and curses echoed outside the window and the city seemed like it had leaked some of its rudeness onto the highway. _

"_Yea I know girl- keep your head on your shoulders and get back with us. Before he whisks you away to fairy land."_

_Esposito looked out the window. Her forehead creased as she contemplated his words. What did they see in Justin that was so bad? He was trusting, caring, loving. He was her one and she didn't see what was wrong with him. He was so perfect for her. Why couldn't they see how good Justin was?_

_A loud honk next to them broke her out of her thoughts and she drove forward another couple of inches. _

…

_-8:00pm that night-_

_She ran up those stairs as fast as she possibly could, grabbing her keys from her pocket. They jangled as she fumbled for the right one, anxious to get inside. She started to begin unlocking the door when it was wrenched open. Sh let out a little gasp and then calmed when she looked properly and saw it was Justin's figure that had opened the door. Then she took a closer look at him. He was standing there and he was staring at her with a gaze that chilled her. _

"_Babe I am so sorry. We got stuck in traffic and it was just so awful-"_

_He pulled her inside and slammed the door closed behind them, pushing her against him. _

"_Why didn't you call? You should have called!"_

_His eyes were so livid, black orbs staring at her in a way that cut through her soul. He looked so mad, so angry at her that her heart began to quicken._

"_I texted you- there was bad traffic and it was hard. I'm so sorry; I didn't realise I would be home this late. Justin, you're hurting my arm; can you please let go?"_

_He began to smirk, the corners of his mouth curling up. The twisted metal grimace was scaring her more and more by the second. He pressed harder against her arm, pushing it into the wall._

_You want me to let go?" He whispered slowly._

_Her eyes widened, frightened. This wasn't like him. _

"_You want me to let go!" His voice crept into a shout._

_She was so scared, she was nearly shaking. _

"_I'll let go then." _

_He let go of her arm, stepped back and slapped her across the face. _

"_I let go."_

_She watched him walking away, her muted sobs creeping into the darkness as she slumped against the wall._

* * *

"He walked away then... but he came back. He always came back? Why did he come back Castle?" She shook her head, regaining her composure.

"He was so incredibly sorry every time; It started small but got bigger. 10 minutes after that time he ran back in, apologizing and crying. I thought it was real. It happened a month later, this time he threw me against a wooden table and bruised my body. It kept happening in a never ending cycle. I would slip up, and if I was good it would only be a small slap. After that he never touched my face again, it was too obvious for everyone to see. Then he threw me into a table and I broke my arm. I told everybody I was just clumsy."

She pushed her hair behind her ear, grimacing as she tried to carry on. With every piece of her story she was ripping away part of her shell to reveal a torn, bruised and shattered body.

"It got harder to keep up the act but I got better at lying. People that got suspicious got stonewalled and nobody tried to question me abbot it. After one night, I tore apart one of the officers that asked me about my ribs. We had been sparring and he landed a blow on one of my ribs that he had fractured. My reaction had scared him and he was worried. He was only trying to help. The things I said were so mean, so awful that I became so icy on the outside but so weak within. Al the abuse finally built up when he hit me so hard I go knocked out and fell on a marble edge that put me into a coma. I didn't wake up for two weeks. The doctors saw my body and made the connection. Everyone found out."

She closed her eyes. Memories of a haunted past and broken dreams pierced through her like a bullet. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move, and the beating of her heart drowned out everything. Yet she still was breathing.

She had too.

"Then the real things came out. Esposito ran a background check on him. He had done this before, to his old girlfriend but the police hadn't prosecuted him because she didn't follow up on the charges. I was so stupid. He had planned this all along, the lies and deception. He had watched me Castle, before I even knew he existed. Watching me move, sleep, work, and undress. He had done his research, finding out what would draw me in, what would make him more appealing to me. He was a stalker, a phycopath"

She was so naive back then. So willing to give her heart fully to any man who was there for her. How could she try to trust people again knowing that she let him in so completely? God, all she wanted was her mum.

But that was the luck she had, wasn't it? A person taken from her, people using her and what was she? Alone. How long would it take for Castle to realise how destroyed she really was and back out?

"He wouldn't stop. The trial was made but the time in-between was hell. I was so scared of him coming and finding me, hurting me. The nightmares wouldn't stop and I just wanted to die. I probably would've if it wasn't for Lanie… She was always there."

The revelation left Castle reeling, clutching onto her hand with a renewed grip. How could this man break her so entirely? She was so strong and she had just admitted that she would have committed suicide if it wasn't for her best friend. How many people knew that?

His eyes and heart lit with an ignited fry and hatred for this man who had weaseled his way into Kate's life and left broken bodies and torn shells scattered around. Who did he think he was? Running round her life, wrapping it up in a web of lies, bringing her higher and higher only to let her drop when the noose was tight enough.

He would find him. He wanted to kill him.

"He was found guilty. Put away. At the sentencing, he just sat there, smiling at me. When he had his chance to speak, all he said was 'I love you Katie and I'll be back'. He promised to me that he would come back. I put on my poker face and just sat there. Staring at the wall. I went home that night and I just sat on the couch, tears running down my face. I dint make a noise. Then I got up and went to bed because there was no point in being awake. I learnt the next day that the girl he had done this to committed suicide. I didn't want to be another notch on his belt. I put him away."

She looked up at him, those gorgeous green eyes etching a torment on his soul. The spoke legions, filled with such a broken, determined, pain.

"Now he's back, he's out. He wants to fulfil his promise and Castle, you are in the way. Maybe there is some part of me that is still broken by him , but you have given me strength. I'm not his little play toy Castle, not anymore He wants to kill you Castle… I know he does. I'm not going to ever let him Castle."

He watched those eyes turn to steel in front of his own face, set in stone. She was amazing. She was is light, his strength. She had promised him that she would never let anyone hurt him.

And somewhere along the painful reopening of her wounds, she had taken a step forward.

She wasn't just Detective Beckett; she had begun to deal with it as Kate Beckett. She had begun to see all that she and Castle could be.

She would never let him take away Castle, she would sacrifice herself before that ever happened. She was strong.

Castle had made her strong enough.

* * *

**A/N: Hi guys.. First off I'm so sorry for how long it's been since I updated! I am in school and have had so many exams that have been taking up my time and writing took a massive back seat. I'm also dealing with the death of my Aunty (Rip Aunty M xx) and it's been a tough time. **

**Thanks to all the people who are still reading this :) Even though my updating might be a little crazy, I have no intetions on giving up on this story. Question for you guys: Would you rather me update faste but with smaller chapters or wait longer for bigger ones? **

**All your reviews make my days so thanks,**

**Liv :)**


	5. Chapter 5

He was numb as he got into the taxi. The winter air circled around him and he watched on as the snowflakes fell outside his window. They were individual and so unique, majestic and frozen.

He sunk back into the upholstery, worn and tired. He couldn't truly process what had happened... It was all too real. How he could have gone from the promise of something so flawed and perfect in its own way to a miserable New York street.

He closed his eyes but all he saw was her face. So gorgeous and beautiful but it brought so much pain and yearning.

He could not love her any more than he did at that moment, and that was breaking his heart.

He sighed and met the cabbies worn eyes in the rear-view mirror.

"Long day, mate?"

All he could do was sit there and nod briefly, a closed off path.

* * *

He just stood at his door for a while, not ready to face his family and tell them about his fairy tale crumbling. He knew that Kate was no princess and that her story was flawed, but for her to live with that pain every day tore him apart.

He could never hate her or grow distant because of her past- he would always stand by her side through things like these.

How strong she was now, but how weak she was when that awful man broke her. He couldn't imagine that happening to her, she was so incomprehensibly amazing.

He had built her up in his mind to be somewhat fictional, almost like Nikki Heat. Except Kate was so real and he begin to comprehend the sheer faith he had in her. He trusted her with his life.

And trusted her with his heart.

He shut his eyes and willed himself to turn the handle and step in. His family loved him and wouldn't judge or ask questions- only ones necessary.

Before he sank any further into his mind, he opened the door to be greeted by Alexis.

Her fiery hair was pulled back into a braid and she was wearing red trackies and a jumper. Even dressed so simply, to him, she looked like an angel.

She took one look at his face and half smiled accompanied with a sigh.

"I'll go get the ice-cream."

He smiled weakly and gave her a hug, content with her warmth.

* * *

"Okay so….Criss Cross or Sunset Boulevard?" Alexis looked at him, holding up two movies.

She smiled softly at him, the love and affection she felt for her dad radiating through her eyes. He had been there for her during those times where everyone had let her down, and now it was her turn to be his support.

He was so incredibly proud of her, looking after him like she was his protector. Sometimes it was as if she was the one thing that could help him go on through the day, to return back to when everything else fell through the cracks.

She was so strong, so amazing and she astounded him every single day.

He didn't know what he would do without her.

Alexis had fallen asleep snuggled up close into his body, a blanket wrapped snugly around the both of them. Her mouth was open in a perfect ruby arch and her soft and steady breathing confirming her beautiful state of sleep.

Castle couldn't bear to think what he would do if something like that happened to her.

The rage, the fury he would fly into at that one person who had caused so much harm to his baby girl.

And if he saw Kate's demon, he would not know what might happen.

For he had no control over his love.

* * *

She wasn't scared when left the precinct.

She wasn't nervous when she walked up the stairs to her apartment.

She should've been.

She was stupid.

She should have realised as soon as she stepped in that door and felt a shiver down her spine that something wasn't as it should have been.

Because Castle had made her strong.

But Castle wasn't here anymore, he had gone home.

And nobody knows what can happen in a cold, dark apartment.

Especially Kate Beckett.

* * *

**A/N: I am an awful person!. I'm so sorry for leaving this for so long and if anyone is still out there reading this, PLEASE review it so I know whether or not to keep going….**

**Anyways thank you for the people that convinced me to update again.**

**-Liv :)**


End file.
